astrocytes and my orange cello

It's been a frustrating semester already. Neuroanatomy is so complicated, and I don't understand physiology. This are the only two things I need to get into the occupational therapy program. (oh yeah, and more volunteer hours. But that's being taken care of.) And I'm not sure who I'm trying to be. I've never been the best, and the OT majors in neuro all want A's and just GET everything. You know, when it all clicks into place, you get it. I've never been that way. And I'm starting to think.. what patient wants an occupational therapist like me? I don't know what to do. All I can do is struggle through this material, and keep focused, I suppose. It's hard to be optimistic sometimes. This major is so hard, I'm really wondering if I can do this. Astrocytes are star shaped macroglial cells found all throughout the body that provide support, and give calcium to neighboring cells. I like astrocytes, and wish I could have way more in my life.

So I've never really blogged before. But my name is Kate Fisher, and I am a junior at San Jose State, majoring in pre-occupational therapy, with a minor in music. I generally care for others, and hope that they do the same for me in return. I love playing my cello. I'm no world class future musician, but I like to think it can help me in the future. I don't want a relationship. I have enough of my own issues at the moment to deal with. I don't need anyone elses. I work at the Aquatic Center as a lifeguard. I like to swim, occasionally to save lives.. it's a perfect college job. I used to do competitive judo, but that was a while ago. Sometimes I'm much happier alone. I'm only just learning to study in groups; I'm used to studying by myself, sometimes more gets done. But anyway, here's an attempt of "blogging."

I'm in a difficult position. Just when I've declared myself self-sufficient, my best friend declares he likes me. Maybe one day, I'll like him back. But like said above, now is not the time. I hope this gets resolved, because even though this isn't a fight, I want my friend back.

I guess what's also really been bothering me, is the fact that not everything is going according to plan. My plan was go to college, do the prerequisites for OT, get in, be happy and successful. Obviously, that's a shortened exaggeration. But I find myself talking to G-d alot. I figure, and I hope this isn't too non-Jewish of me, that He knows what's in store for me. And I keep asking G-d, if I'm doing all this work, if I keep volunteering, if I keep helping all the people I can, if I genuinely care about school this much, if I'm freaking kosher, why is this so difficult? If I'm doing everything right for others, why isn't it all right for me?

The other things that anger me are Palestine, Michael Phelps getting caught with a bong, and fucking Chris Brown.

Let's hope this keeps working!